Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Well long time no see......

I’m back… (no, really I am)

I have taken a few months out of blogging, out of doing much really apart from living and just trying to find out what it is out of life I want. And to be honest. I don’t know but when I find it, him, her, whatever, whoever I am sure I will know instantly. As of today it has been three weeks since I last indulged in sex. And for the first time.. I am not left wanting to be fulfilled that way, I am starting to enjoy being me. Starting to regain some sort of self respect and worth. I have said to myself recently that the next person that gets me into bed will be one hell of a special person. Someone that has actually earned the right to be with me. I am a man eater..(not so much woman eater as I haven’t had the real life experience yet lol) I just feel I need to be completely in control of me again, me and my body.

I have gone through a short journey into BDSM and I find it a very exhilarating one. The people in the scene are the most natural and most friendly group of people without reservation on anybody. Although maybe I am wanting a fulltime D’s relationship with someone this is something that will evolve over time. Something that I just don’t have any time for right now. I have to concentrate on what I have here with me, what I want from the near future.

Sex is so very over-rated, although we all crave it. BDSM isn’t just about sex, it is about being able to look after someone in your control, being a guardian.. same as being a parent of sorts. To nurture, to love and help grow into a being that you can be proud of. I suppose a reference could be made to a simple caterpillar.. it takes time for it to become something as big, bold and beautiful as the final butterfly. But boy are the results astounding!

I had so many things I wanted to share which have happened over the last few months but it all seems so unwarranted now to do so.

I think I will update next week.. I am going away for a few days with a girlfriend of mine. Watch this space.