Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Suggestions anyone?

Whe I first started this blog.. over a year ago now, I had requests from different people for me to write on subjects. I have realised the last few months I haven't been writing much about the lifestyle I lead. I am asking now if there is anything anyone would like to know my views on, or if they'd like a certain scene written just for them. If so mail me or leave a comment on here and start giving me inspiration. :o)

Friday, November 18, 2005

Taking some time out to indulge myself..

Don't often go spending too much on myself as there really isn't hardly any to spend lol But tonight I am just about to go out. Get a chinese. Maybe grab a small bottle of Baileys and some chocolate and stuff myself silly with good old fashioned fatty food :o)

Ohh and btw... I will be posting a picture of myself, thought it had been long enough over due on here.. well apart from my breast shot in an earlier posting :o) But the post is taking a while.. so will stuff myself silly first and then finish..... then be prepared to say OUCH lol you'll understand why :)


Am back have finished my chinese and have now poured a glass of baileys and gonna take that and the chocs to bed and veg til I fall asleep now :)

And BTW there is is.. down there!!! Smile, your tired and on camera :)

KINKFEST 2 (and finally a picture of my mug {the one on the left}) lol

This will be the first any of you lot would have seen my mug. But this must also have been the last time I have used any of my frustrations. It has been some time.

This was taken when I went to Kinkfest2. End of July this year. Well the after picture lol.

The day started off at six on the Saturday morning as I had to go over to my friend Pandora's house to join in the convoy towards London, as the companion I had that day didnt know how to get there.

It was a fairly easy journey in and we found where we needed to be pretty quickly. The place they decided to have the event was SEone and looked slightly like the arches in Eastenders lol

When we got there I found a few gimickey stalls as you would with a lot of places like this (I shall allow readers to go to the site for the links for the traders)..

The day itself was filled with workshops and demonstrations. I decided before the day I'd like to go see some needle play, genital torture and wax play. They did have so many it was hard to make a schedule for the day.

So there was me following the signs for the needle play.. went in the room, sat down. And was looking on the table thinking.. these aren't the kind of pricks that I was wanting to necessarily see.. then the demonstration began lol We had stumbled upon strap on play (something I really wanted to see but thought I'd be better off with needle play) hehe I didn't mind one bit.. Girl on girl action and what a good mix up to make really hehe. I did pick up some techniques which I hadn't thought about from when I used a strap on with K.

(Something else I will have to share later, a story about the triumph in using it properly :O))

But anyway things went really well during the day, Had a great time. Although things with my companion were going from bad to worse and all I could think of was if only he could just go away and leave me alone. It was embarrasing. Someone who had come to me saying he was a submissive.. who was most certainly not. This then made me realise more about what I had said before about players and people who really just don't understand the whole ethos behind D's relationships of any sort. He was getting more and more drunk by the minute and just really made me wish I hadn't taken him.

At the start of the evening's events he had become so drunk that he was pissing me off as well as everyone else around us. And I wasn't looking forward to going to the actual party. But then in his drunken wisdom he decided he was going home.. I wasn't going to argue I just let him. And to be honest I couldnt' have cared less at that point as to what happened to him. I am not going to be held responsable for people who get themselves into that state after being encouraged not to.

So after he went I tried to patch things up with our group. Some of whom I had only actually met that night. So we eventually went to SEone in some lovely little numbers. Mostly latex and rubber. Of course this was wonderful. I love rubber and my dress was fantastic.. I shall have to edit a few pictures someone sent me to add to this at a later date.

As my 'date' for the night had dissapeared I found myself surrounded by some rather interesting people obviously willing for me to try some things out on. Firstly there was C who showed me his bag of wonderful thigh high boots. Which I had great delight getting some boys try on me. Some it turned on quite obviously and had to remind them just how long it should take to put boots on.. I did have a wonderful cane to hand lol

This then turned into me looking quite wonderful even if I say so myself. And trampling the guys underfoot. The whole thing with the boys dressing me with the boots and trampling them ended wonderfully with them also taking them off from my legs. It was extremely satisfying for all concerned. I rarely wear high heels because I am tall enough not to usually need them. But in that situation.. the taller the better :)

I wore his boots for nearly all the evening, getting changed from one pair to another as soon as I tired from the ones I was wearing.. The boys found this sometimes a little too erotic as I made them lace the boots from toe to top and if they had made a mistake they would have to undo all they had done and start again :)

This was fab, I also had the use of J for the evening. As he hadn't got a Mistress for the night. He was an absolute star. I duely took control of him. And wonderful it was. Alongside a my friend, who's switch, we played with him in a confinement box, it was wonderful. There was blackout inside and only a few holes around it where you could put your hands and 'tools' in. We must have been playing with him for a good half hour/hour. When he came out he was in a really good mindstate.. Lovely to see and very pleasing for us girls.

Then when my friend had to go (somewhere between midnight ad two o'clock, I cannot remember) I was able to use J for my own devilish delights. I hoisted him up on a ratchet stretcher so his arms were above his head. I linked his nipples and ears together by crossing two nipple clamps over each other, one set on his ears the other on his nipples. So whenever he moved his head upwards so he'd yank the chain on his nipples.. very arousing to him..And really good to watch as he'd be tickled or spanked so he'd have to move :D Oh he loved it, So did I. The obviously quick release of the clamps on nipples really helped everyone out :) I love it all .. I was really enjoying what had turned from a great day, into a shyte day into a really really enlightening day.

I ended up using a few of my little devices on his stripped arse. First my crop, only about fifty lashes of that.. they bring lovely welts, just don't sting quite as much as other things. Then he had a paddle don't remember how many he had of those.. and then the CANE, My word. I enjoyed it soo much!

Poor sod was a cane virgin.. lol or so he said.. If he was he was most certainly knowledgable by the time the picture above was taken :) Approx seven on the sunday morning hehe

I was absolutely shattered and so too were our other group members of the night. So we went back to J's flat, got ready for bed and soonly zonked out. I had already warned him I was a snorer and apologised to everyone in the morning when we finally woke. (Hehe how attractive. something else people wil know about me.. ahh well only certain people get to find it out anyhow.) I think it was about eleven when we really got up, so I must have had a couple of hours kip.

SO I guess this is just a thank you, belated of course to the fantastic company I had throughout Kinkfest2 I cannot wait untill next year :D

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Just grumbling

Having a new bathroom has never been more exciting.. first they will put one in, then they won't. Then they'll give you a diff shower, then they won't and as for the tiling... oh what joy! months of phoning and they still cannot aggree where they need to be putting the damned tiles!

Just give me the blasted money and materials to do the job and I can do it in half the time without all the bloody faffing about the guys today have done.. For fuck sake.. I still have tomorrow and friday to continue my bathroom saga.. lets just hope my sanity reigns up high till the weekend..

Bath is now in. Electrician will be putting the shower in tomorrow. Plumber will fit the plumbing with it alongside the tiler, who will be coming friday to hopefully, once and for all take the shit tiles throw them like greek party guests ad re-new the buggers.

Thats if they don't change their minds before then..

And am I frustrated OH YES.

Shame I haven't a sub boy to hand.. I could really do with letting some energy flow!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Nature's great, isn't she?

I have just been staring out of my kitchen window pondering some thoughts, when all of a sudden, a penis shaped cloud captured my gaze.

Thanks you Mother Nature, thats just what I needed hehe

I am missing something...

No not my mind.. although the age is now creeping up hehe

It has been some time since I was with someone who meant anything to me and I think I am now ready to explore my want for an emotional attachment. It's all well and good liking what your body can do, and can be, when with someone. Using your wants and desires to help out with playtime or even using the power trip when you are given someone's trust to be able to feel liberated sexually.

I had some desires a while ago which I had hoped would be fulfilled.. The person who I was supposedly going to have these happen let me down.. so now am on the search, I guess, for someone who when they say they want to act something out.. will actually stand to their word.

Mutual trust is a thing for me. As have said about on many occasions. It's finding that person/people that I can be totally honest with and be able to feel I can use for my own purpose.

I do eventually want something a little bette than just play with someone.. and trying to combine their wants and desires alongside my own whilst balancing family life, work, financial restrictions (the vanilla part of life) can be a bloody hard thing to master. For the right guy I would be willing to make it happen.

I tend to get a difference sence of what I want towards my birthday every year.. I find myself looking back on what I have done and accomplished, I know this year has been the most interesting I think I could have possibly had. I look at what I could have had and lost. I also look at what I could still possibly achieve.

So.. maybe this is me saying I am ready to start looking for something a little more meaningful now. It has been a long time in coming but my mind is there finally.. Thinking back, it has possibly been a year or so since I felt anything proper for anyone and people who have read this diary will know who I would be talking about.

Over and out.

Two more days...

I have only two more days on my antibiotics and thank fuck really as I haven't been able to sleep nor eat properly.. shitter that comes along with a lot of manmade drugs.

I have however started thinking more about the herbal ways of dealing with my inner me. I have had some kindly advice from a friend of mine through his wife and so hoping that this concoction (potent as it smells) will reduce some of my more darkest hours and hopefully lift me somewhat while being tested with my son.

Thank you, you know who you are :)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Donations greatfully received

I would just like to point out the two little button thingy's I have just added. If anyone is feeling generous enough to help me obtain a bigger selection of toys/clothing for my adventures please feel free to use the donate buttons at the side there!

I will promise that anything I do collect from proceeds will be photographed and put on here.. if clothing is obtained I will have photo's of the wear being modelled :o)

My Birthday is coming up again and so are the seasonal holiday celebrations.. feel free to be as generous as you are able and put a smile on this Dommes face :)

Two nights in a row :)

Just to inform those who know about mine and b's sleeping situation.. basically he has been sleeping and I haven't lol Since I have been redecorating his bedroom I have had him sleeping in with me. What joy!! But I have introduced him into his new big boy's bed now and for the second night running he hasn't caused as much fuss as I expected him to and he has gone out like a light.

He did wake at four this morning and was a little weary that he was actually in his own, and not my bed, but I was stil so pleased that he is still going at it.. we'll see how well these next couple of weeks go.

I have to now also do a behavioural diary of a fornights' happening bewteen myself and the little love so the health visitor and I can discuss where it is that things may be a little frustrating for him. Hopefully aleviating his shittynesss.

Hehe He has also bought me home FINALLY a hand made something!!!! I have waited for almost three months for him to make me something at school and finally it is here lol I will try and find out how to get pictures up again and post one of it :)

So things ARE finally looking up again, I am not in the depths of dispair as I have been and can now look forward to havign tie for myself, eithe ron my own or with others that I can relax again and finally start being me in my mind and body too!! So look out, there maybe some good stories to shre in the next month or so :)

Think that'll be it for tonight as the antibiotics I am on really do wipe me out.. I am slowly getting better but what I had really knocked the stuffing out of me. Now the meds make me drowsy yet I cannot sleep.. lol good timing as I may have to be up at four again lol

Sweet dreams people. xx

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Random giggling..

I went into Cambridge last night to meet with someone, nice chap pleasant evening , could be a lovely friendship :)

But anyway.. the train over there I had a 'Mastercard monment'.

A woman bringing a HUGE wobbly suitcase of clothing back from holiday.. £150
A selection of gifts for her nearest and dearest.. £80
Having her mobile go off for about 15 mins of ringing and not knowing where the fuck she put it and then when finding it.. the other person hangs up.... PRICELESS

Neddless to say I had a small gut-giggle and tried not to let her know how much of a muffin she looked when she got angry at the person on the other end HAHA

My health

Last few days I have had an awful bladder problem, need to pee every few moments it is uncomfy walking anywhere, and am feeling slightly unwell because of it too.. getting into the docs??? near on bloody impossible.

I know my stress has been quite high recently which would possibly explain it all away.. But I do think of every concievable idea as to what it could be, of course worrying myself into stupidity lol Obviously not helping the matter..

Plus my back has started it's descent again... lol Just old age?? nah an old injury at work that flares up every few months. probably in sympathy for a friend of mine. lol MOSH!!!

SO while I have the day off from being mum today, It's been buggerd up by ill health... ahh fuck it, my timing has never been one for awards lol

TOUCHING WOOD (not the rude sort) But at least I haven't had a migrane for quite some time, I could always have the comes in threes thing going on..... Could be rather interesting....... hehe

Monday, November 07, 2005

Not going to count my chickens just yet...

Well today was alittle strange. B woke up and he was surprisingly ok. He had a few tantrums, but nothing like that of late. So all I had to do was fear ten to twelve, the time I take him into school.

He started to walk to school after practically begging to see certain friends, he loves his friends even though seems to pick on some of them. I am still unsure if he means to be nasty or if he thinks it is just ok to bully them as they seem to put up with it. I had already had the talk with him to make sure he sat down for story time, was a good boy all the time he was there etc etc, and even tried bribing him. It has never worked in the past so thought I'd try it today. I even got him to ring his grandad up to tell him he was going to be a good boy at school.

Well you know what? Todays couple of hours seemed to last a lifetime, was worried how he'd be because of the bang on his head and obviously also because of his behaviour. So I was dreading picking him up.

Anyway.. No phonecalls.. so there couldn't have been an emergency, but I was a little late to school think it was subconcious on my part in case I had to have a chat with the teacher. Asked how he'd been.. .and you know what?? Nothing.. lol she hadn't had any bad reports on him, nor had she had to tell him off throughout story time!!!!!


I was SO pleased with him and told him so many times on the way back from school too!!

Just hope he keeps it up. Not sure if the whole bribery thing should be a few days worth and then start from the beginning of the week, like if you're good for the whole week etc etc... I dunno, I was just delighted he had such a good day. I did get him some chocolate as a reward, but he really wasn't fussed about it, he was however making comments on me being happy with him :)

SO I think bribery will need to reflect my moods maybe. If I tell him I am unhappy he doesn't like it much so he worries that I am not his friend. So making Mummy happy and not unhappy might just surfice.

Will keep the blog posted during the week. And just hope the little darling keeps behaving like he did today. I couldn't have been more happy :)

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Weekend of niceties

Well thought I would report on this weekend, I gave B over to T on friday night as it is his time with him so can finally relax. I do however get him back first thing tomorrow morning about 7:30am approx. But I would just like to say how nice my weekend has been.

I have seen some friends who I haven't seen in an absolute age and have gone out two nights on the run now.. Am so tired it is unbeliveable but at least I had a few smiles, a little diff than how it has been recently, so I'd just like to say again, how wonderful friends are to me, and mean the absolute world.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you all dearly.

Will post again sunday evening.. but just wish me luck with B tomorrow as I doubt he'll be such a bundle of 'joy'... but I have missed him.

Friday, November 04, 2005


Thought it had been a while since I phoned the health visitor so decided to phone again as none had got back to me. And just a few moments ago I got the call I need to start hopefully getting things sorted.

I have an appointment with her next Thursday afternoon while my angel is at school, I just hope this helps as recently it has become more than I can bear.

Will post as developments come about.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Another trip to the hospital

B came home from T's this morning after having what seemed to be not such a bad nights sleep from having to go to hospital from a head injury. And he seemed to be more quiet than normal. Thought it could just be down to the "excitement" of yesterday.

He started throwing up, thats when I became concerned enough to take him to the doctors again.. this time the doctor said straight away he should have been x-rayed and seen properly at the hospital the night before, considering the lump that was still there.

So another trip up to Addenbrookes. I was growng tired but tankfully one of B's godparents was on hand to travel with us,thank god for mates.

We were only there really a couple of hours before they saw B and decided he needed a CAT scan and they were pretty wonderful. He got seen in no time.

Results were that he was suffering from concussion, hence the nausia and lethargy. Luckily brain wasn't swollen too much considering his knock and there was no seepage from brain or anything other than a small fracture where he had fallen onto the floor.

It's just time sconsuming and bloody annoying for him. All he wanted wa s to either sleep or be up and running about like any kid. He just found that he was thirsty and a little hungry as he hadn't eaten anything since about seven the prev evening. Very confusing for him, althogh throughout the tests he was amicable, and very very good. It would have scared some kids but he was wonderful. Didnt mind the nurses obviously, what male would?? lol

So anyway we got discharged again and sent home. We called in for a big mac en route and he chose his meal, although couldn't stomach any of it, he was more interested in the balloons which they had decorated the place with lol Kids.. a nightmare.

We went to see my dad after we got out of cambridge and B then spewed over the carpet.. proper chunder chunks.. smelt awful.. but that was the last time he has spewed

It is now Thursday and he so far has been good, well as good as can be expected from B anyhow. I am keeping him off school for a few days and see how he is over this time.

We'll soon be back to shouting matches I am sure, but for now... I am being nurse to him but if he thinks he can be getting away with being naughty just because he has been to hospital.. he'll soon find out that he cannot lol

Wil keep this updated.. moreso for when he is older so I can show him what he puts me through lol

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Never rains but it pours...

Ok so today I finally get the courage to ask for help. Phone the local health visitor to find she "isn't available" until thursday. And me thinking ok.. maybe this could be the start of me and B getting back on track with our lives as son and mother.

I pick him up from school this afternoon and actually had a hug from him. and he has been quite good at school (basically the teachers didn't come and have a word with me about him at all) and the girl he picks on was chuffed to actually tell her mum that B didn't hit her today.. so all is good there.

My dad had asked him to be a good boy as I think he actually realised that I am starting to become a little desperate with not knowing how to curtail the situation. So that maybe helped.

So all in all we had a really plesant evening and I was really looking forward to going to my munch.............

T came to pick B up so that I could go let my hair down.. and what does B go and do??? But slip from a stool and hit his head on my kitchen floor. I have a concrete floor!!

So here we go off to the docs with a huge lump out the back of his head and him crying like a helpless babe in my arms. I feel so sorry for him as he snuggles right into my chest.. just as he does when he doens't know what to do with himself and is ill or in need of mum's affection. All of my thoughts of the past week go out the window. All I know is I love this little thing more than life itself.

He sits in my arms as we wait for the doc to come out to see him. He starts to cry in agony.. a strange kinda cry as any parent knows.. And then he starts to flush hot and cold in just as much time as it took me to write that. In and out of sleep... he was just not himself. We got called through and the doctor did all the routine tests, retina response, neurological response, blood pressure etc etc.. All seem ok but she advises that a more specialist approach and possible x-ray are needed.. so a trip to the local hospital is in order...

Well fuck me.. could my days get any worse.. this poor little thing asking for me and holding so close to me has caused me so much anguish so much heartache, and now is just my baby again... just a defenseless little thing with a shock to his system which has clearly knocked him for six.

So anyway he gets proded and poked by two other members of the NHS before we head off into Cambridge to Addenbrookes.

An hour or two later we get seen properly by the docs, luckily if they'd have been really worried we would have ben rushed in but as he was conversant and also signs of everything were alright, they deemed it alright just to wait a while and see really.

At a qtr to ten this evening they check him and prod him some further and decide he is alright to return home as he had managed to keep food down and he seemed to perk up a little better. TAHNK FUCK!! He had me worried for a while. And the lights there always give me major migranes.. :-s

They have signs in the waiting rooms "The local health visitor will be advised of any admiottance of anychild under the age of five" Great lol I ring the health visitor to come help me with my unruley child... and the next thingthey get to hear is that he has been admitted with head injuries...... nothing like a battered child scenario... ahh bugger it.. Stress?? whats that I hear you sigh.........

Lol now the wait is on to see if I now get the sympathetic ear of the Health visitor or the beady eye of the social worker. SHIT.. good job T was here when B had his injury and after my devistating week and my near depressive state... Things could have gone VERY wrong for me.....

Saying 'Mother and child doing very well' couldn't be more truthful right now... wait and see what tomorrow brings.

It aint quite Domme talk lol

I guess me spending or having to spend more time trying to drum into my son good practices of being. I haven't realy had that much time to myself nor have I been able to vent my frustrations other than in word form on here.

I guess my sub training should start with my son.. but you know? I don't think my son will be anything other than Dom himself.. he'll learn from a great Mistress lol I suppose thats something to look forward to...... in the meantime..... it school again this afternoon...