Thursday, June 09, 2005


Ok many people will know that I don't have that much "hands on" experience with men as I just haven't found the right compatability as yet. Either the men I have started to see are wimps or they really are nothing but just playing me I have found.

I need regular partner/s to be able to learn with and from really.. and the amount of men I have asking for my help is incredible. A lot of them annoy me as they DO NOT READ the profiles I have on the certain sites.. I DO NOT WANT OBESE MEN. I DO NOT WANT GINGER MEN, No OLD MEN< I DON'T LIKE HAIRY BUGGERS EITHER, CLEANLINESS IS AN ISSUE AND I DO NOT WANT AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL S H O R T MEN. I don't know how many times I try and be polite I cannot do so anymore. And JUST BECAUSE I CHAT TO YOU THE ONCE DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE ENTERING A LIFE LONG COMMITMENT!!!!!!!!! This is a bug bare of mine. Completely. IF I AM GOING TO MEET YOU I WILL GET TO KNOW YOU WELL BEFOREHAND. And on the rare occasion I do actually meet with someone, it still doesn't necessarily mean that we are going to have sparks fly!

That rant over with lol

CBT Some thing that I have yet to truely apreciate fully, I have played with balls, infact I LOVE being a little bit spiteful with them getting certain reactions from what I do to men please me greatly. I love to use my nails, as I have possibly mentioned before and the grip that I can have really works wonders!

I have yet to find a man to fully practice on. Maybe the more extreme the better really.. But I am sure there will be someone in the near future, There have been a few select men lucky enough for me to actually think, yeah , good these could work. So keeping fingers crossed, and the thought of a bit of cock and ball play is starting me thinking.. I have such a sadistic streak and can be pretty mean, But i guess I WANT to test this theory out.

Wax play is really intruiging me right now and also pegs and stuff, I know it is mundane to most people but I really wanna try it lol

Watch this space for updates.

Goodness me!

This year so far has been one of the busiest that I have known. It seems that as soon as I sit down there is some other project to work on, another thing to get done.. more people to meet/see and generally am LOVING every day of it.

I have finally found a group where I fit in.. I have also completed a few things around my house that have been nagging at me for the last few years.. literally... And the feeling when something that I have had planned comes together is great. I have just been non stop all the time. and I cannot believe it is already mid year... it's bloody scary.

My little boy turned three on the 3rd of this month and he will be starting nursery in September. It just feels as though things are going way to fast.. but then.. I haven't had time to realy ponder too much on the shit also which is also a great thing.

I am sure that people think I have CUNT written on my forehead sometimes but little do they realise just how well travelled I am in life's long andadventurous journey! Recent events have just shown me yet again as to how people really do still, evenb after all this time... try and pull the wool over my eyes and generally just think that I am some weak female, I do a good act if it is going to get me the results I desire.. but also as I said I have loved every minute.

This year for me has been undeniaby the best for meeting people and getting the chance to go out properly again. like it was in teh good old days of proper single times. I have so many things to look forward to still this year.

I went to see Terrovision for two nights running a few months ago.. I planned and arranged a BBQ for my munch groups I attend. I had been talking to a dear friend of mine recently about needing time out.. just some time away, a holiday if you like.. and you know what?? he said come away with me!! So I also have a few days break to look forward to in a couple of weeks. Going to Belgium to Graspop a rock/metal festival!!! (Me being a festival virgin this should be something to be playing in my mind for a while to come) Then in July I am going to see Queen in London with some girlfriends of mine.. and then with more nights out planned for people birthdays and also the start of a new era with my son starting school and stuff.. the time is just shooting by.

IT'S THE BEST YEAR I HAVE HAD FOR LITERALLY YEARS. The people I have become close to also over these last few months have been an absolute gift. Everyone that enters my life plays a special part and there are just a few diamonds that shine right from those same people. People that genuinely care and really do just make my life that much more enjoyable and colourful. And to these people I thank from the bottom of my heart.

As for my "dare I even use it but 'LOVE' life" I aint even thinking about it anymore. I am very happy being a single girl and you know what? For me this year has seen me be so much more confident with everything. things are really starting to fit into place so much more than before.. blimey... a few years ago you wouldn't have seen me singing on stage!!! But I did this just a couple of weeks ago and for me thats a big step. BUT A FANTASTIC ONE.

I am overwhelmed by people and how my life is going right now.. that I am just hoping for it to carry on how it is and just enjoy everything that I am able to have the opportunity of doing.

Think that is the rant over with again for a little while. I wish all the special people in my life (even the arseholes who still have a place in it somewhere)just the best time and happiness untill I post again. :o)