His Final Service. (for the darker side of play)

We planned this night to watch him be true,
to himself and others through and through,
I tied up him and strapped him down,
tightening binds did tie him sound.
His arse is whipped
his flesh is caned
he never will ever wonder again,
just what it is to give to his Mistress
his last earthy time and with all that pain,
his true devotion to her with his life
will always be eternally engrained

With his mind he gave consent
His body stuffed with garlic, with scent
She took it for all that was meant
He wanted to give all that he could
To please the one that above him stood
So proud and happy for this day
He is giving his soul, mind and now his BODY away.

His skin is broken,
his arse is raw,
his body is bleeding
he wimpers a little with face to the floor..
our scene is over-
the time has come ,
we came and he went, he is no more.

The nights still young but we’re here, we saw,
his breathless body breathes no more.
He cried his last
he flew so high
and now time has come for him to die.

We feast upon his roasted flesh
we gnaw at his bones,
we send his flying soul
away to where once he was born.
We crave his flesh,
we drink his blood,
all boiling, yet still raw.
We feasted upon this slave of mine
and now he is no more.

A numb feeling.

You open yourself up,
You let yourself go
You choose to love
and tell everyone so

You find your feet
finally you're free
to love someone again
let it be me.

I chose to love
and be free
with the truest honesty
there ever can be

When the two become one
and the one becomes true
you always will remember
what I mean to you

Now I've loved and lost
but loved again
But ever greatful
I've done nothing but gain.

But today is goodbye
and goodbye is a word
that when it is said
will always be heard

With you I loved
but with you I now cry
as this is the end
My love, goodbye.

I am buzzing a little.. means I should get a lot done :D

I need motivation. I have too much to do and I really need to get it done. I won't be online much over the next couple of days.. (well.. maybe not)so I ca try and see about getting things sorted.

Should be an interesting time :D

YAY My website is now ready :D

My site has finally been put up and is running, awaiting orders :D

TIRED

Tired and pissed off. Again I find myself on the edge with B. I am not looking forward to the rest of the holidays.

Downward sprial

If things keep going downwards as quick as they are. I'll be hitting the bottom with an almighty bump.

I'd already decided that I wasn't going to go to Kinkfest this year (reasons-a-plenty) But now T says he has to work on the pissing days he should have had B anyhow. I also am finding myself stuck in a rut type thing. Nowt mew on the horizon that get even the slightest sense of my juices flowing.

I do have myself a suger subby. (subby instead of a sugar daddy) But there is in NO uncertain terms anything romantic going on there.

I am starting to talk with someone right now who actually lives not to far from my dad. Which in a way is quite nice as if I do go see dad I can pop out to this fellas for a cuppa also. I haven't met him in person yet but he seems alright so far.

I think I have forgotten how to do the whole dating thing, I have said so many times before. But now what do I do, how do I approach seeing someone, I've really lost touch with it all. He is aware about my lifestyle although he hasn't done too much of anything himself.

I feel quite defensive sometimes when talking with new people, Always knowing what they are actually after but scrutanising how they actually go about it. In the lifestyle it is usually a given that people want to play. I don't mind this but what I kinda get annoyed about is when they try and beat about the bush and lead you on slightly, Same as any kind of partnership really.

I am still in a foul mood. I have been for some time privately. Maybe I shall go. I shall go do something monotone and normal for a few hours. Might glance back and post.. who knows.

Aneamic

Apparently that is what I am right now. Tired, lathargic, generally a bag of sleepyness. had some bloods taken yesterday to figure out just how aneamic I am . They've put me on some shitty iron tablets but I am stil feeling very tired.

Am hoping it will thunder BIG time tonight as is predicted. I can then sleep deeply and not worry :D

Cannot think of a title.

I just wanted a bit of a ramble really.

I was supposed to go donate my fourteenth pint the other evening but my iron count was too low so settled just for TUC biscuits and a cup of tea. This has been playing on my mind a little over the last few days ( the iron count being low, not the snacks) but I am waiting on the results of the blood sample they took as to what action will be needed.

I know I have been totally exhausted recently and not sure which of the factors would have played a bigger part in my strange health right now. Fatigue, B, maybe not eating as well as I should have, B, lethargy, B and maybe my reluctance to eat red meat. I do have asparagus growing in my garden so will feast on that for a while after it has regrown boost my levels up a bit again. I don't wanna be taking the constipation aids in form of tablets.. I don't like them at all. We'll see.

Hehe thats not particularly interesting. I have a B free day today so am goig to get on with a few thing like instaling an outside tap so I can water my garden etc. Maybe start clearing out my bedroom so I can start the decoration process.

I'll post somethign a litte later on which is a little more interesting :D

Over tired

I haven't slept more then like an hour or so for quite some time. I have been irritable and just generally lathargic. This morning is no exception. I had the craziest dream that my sis's boyfriend kidnapped me and some strange bird and performed acts upon us which would have ordinarily earned him a castration.

Left me feeling quite disturbed I can tell you, I had to wake myself from this as for some reaon in my dream I was totally unable to do a sodding thing about it. I know this would never happen in real life but, fuck me, it really did bother me enough to become extremely knackered through it all this morning.

What the hell are crazy dreams about??

Maybe the fact the wanker grabbed and tried to drive off with my sisters baby the other day? And none of us being around to do a things about it. Or maybe in some way I am trying to empathise with her in some stange deluded way as to what happens when she is with the cunt. POLICE.. being the nice care in the communtiy people that they are DID FUCK ALL ABOUT IT yet again!!! Wonder why I HAVE NO FAITH in law and order and the whole contradictory JUSTICE system. What a load of bollocks.

She is stupiud enough to keep going back to him. I mean when a cunt with no license is on the run from cops and smashes into someone's house with you in the car.. leaves you for dead.. has hospitalised you countless times in the past.. then YOU GO AND HAVE A BABY WITH him.... I mean.. the attraction is all there for people to see..... NOT!

Why do girls be little themselves so much to these animals.. (possibly too good a word for the skunk) What on earth makes them fall for these waste of carbon?

I dunno. Maybe I am just on a rant and am fed up of thing happening and not able to do a thing about it. She is.. afterall... an ADULT!

Reunited.... sort of

A few months ago (before I completely fucked my back up) I started "seeing" someone who I got, or rather I thought I got close to. This is going back like four months or so now.

I said goodbye one day and sent him back home. Last I saw or heard from him. So wiped him from the list of "like to play with".. to "another fucker bites the dust.... again".

I gave him ample opportunity to get in touch, mails, texts, phone calls every which way you could communicate he had. Nothing. Nada. This guy was also getting my Professional website sorted. That too got dropped like a huge ten tonne lead weight.

I proceeded to do what I normally would when a guy just buggers off or doesn't want to contact me, and that is to write them off with a mail telling them I hope everything goes well in their life etc. I don't bear grudges so it is easier all round.

WHAT I DON'T EXPECT IS FOR THEM TO get in touch and tell me they had basically been given a life warning. Black outs followed by examination, followed by finding a 14" abcess through spine and leg paralysing them near on completely... and then finding out everything had happened during the times I was cursing!

Certainly made my sit back.. Hands on keyboard and tell him that was no fucking excuse not to contact me!! lol

So it seems M may be back on the scene.. albeit with zimmer frame andflid mobile lolol

Nice to have ya back!

PROUD

I just wanted to say a small word which means so much for me about someone.

I pushed F's boundaries this last munch (yesterday evening) I will blog about it when I am not so lathargic.

But I am so very proud of him. He is always co-operative. Just an absolute joy to play with. I have so much going on in my mind right now concerning him and events that it is best I take a week or so before I write anything else as I have some thinking to do. I need to take responsability of this wonderful being much more into my thought processes as it would break my heart if this delicate flower breaks.

For a very long time now all I have wanted is someone I could call my 'own' to play with and see grow into a much more beautiful being. And I think F could well be that person. He makes me so very happy and I couldn't want for more in a subby. If they were all like him I'd be quite happy having the biggest hareem ever. Having said that I don't want to pressurise him nor burden him with my mindstate in regards to our blossoming relationship.

In the past it has ben rare for me to find someone I actually WANT to be with, and when this has happened the togetherness with me and that other has been so short lived that I haven't had time to play with them or to deal with them as intensly as I'd have liked. Instead having to rely on friends to play with. D included in this.

I feel so very at ease with F, I don't have to pretend I don't have to put on an outward facade which a lot of the munchers have grown to like (presumably lol) or my fellow group members and friends. This being my normal sociable self rather than the total open booked self.

F and I have shared so many descussions regarding desires, kinks and normal every day stuff.. even me admitting I haven't got an entirely iced up heart. But still I also feel a little guilt. Well a lot of guilt. And THIS WILL NOT BE PLACED ONTO HIM. I also know people need to adjust. Things for us both have moved on steadily, me thinking I'd gone slowly.. for me yes they had.. purely as I haven't had chance to deal with someone for this length of time before. But for F this has been all a little too much for the amount of time we have had together. And when I looked at it timescalewise I completely understand.

This is totally new to me. A mutual attraction. A D's relationship born of wants and desires unfulfilled by others. I can quite easily find myself becoming more and more comfortable with F. And this scares me slightly also.

I think I need to draft a private mail to him and allow him to take some time out. I need him to realise what could happen. What it is he truely wants and deserves. I think also, I might need some reflection time.

So. What do I do now? Afterall I am human too. lol Some people would find that extremely hard to accept.

It'll possibly be one of those blogthings next lol .. watch out!

Its warm.. a cold shower needed

Was going to blog a few bits.. but just sat down and i am so warm.. sticky warm. My arm is irritating me.. and i need to cool down so am going for a cool shower and hopefully rejeuvinate myself.