Thursday, September 30, 2004

Arrogance or just a plain nice person?

I am able to relate to so many people in so many ways, I know I am a nice, honest, trustworthy person, now more so than at any other time in my life. I have endured some of lifes most beastly and awful times some of which left me in a very dark place for a little time. I am very upfront about how I am with everyone I meet and I think that works to my great advantage on most occasions. These are great traits which I thank my father for ensuring that I be able to have throughout my life. But there have been some people in my life that have seen this to be a huge threat, for absurd reasoning which I just cannot fathem.

I tend to be able to talk with almost anyone and find so many things to find a common interest in, people find me very approachable in everyday life and I like to think that what I give them all is friendship and an unconditional resourse of lifes finest and most wonderful gifts. Such as honesty, laughter, truth, fun.

I guess I would like to think that everyone has good in them no mater what they had done. Sometimes it can be called naivity but I like to think it is more like finding the positive in a person and making them see how fabulous they can be in themselves. Most know what their weaknesses and strengths are but some need guidance and I think that that is where my purpose lays in life. To be able to make people get the best deal in life, through emotions and life experiences.

I don't get angry often, I don't bear grudges, I don't use the word hate as I find it far too bad a word really. I enjoy life and use lifes trials to just make me the person who you see writing before you. I analyse people, I enjoy finding out about anything and everything. I just love life. It has given me so much in what iI have learnt and to offer back and use for whatever the occasion.

You may seem to ask why am I babbling about what I am like?, i am too believe me but I have to ask myself things sometimes because i feel very bad when i have to let people down. I have a guilty moment sometimes. I like to think that people like me, but when men or indeed women like me a bit too much, I hate it when I have to draw the friendship/shag partner line then it kinda makes me feel a little worried that they will see me as a lead. Someone who has deliberately been out to real them in, laugh and then throw them back in the water without a care. I know they don't feel that way when I ''let them down'' but it still feels as though I have done just that.

And this all comes because a long term friend, someone who is godfather to my son, asked if there could be something more between us this evening. I knew he kinda liked me but there was always a boundary there, he is married, very unhappily but won't go into it, and we had always joked about the possibility of a quickie every now and then, not knowing that he actually had feelings for me.. that is where I draw the line I guess, if you fancy someone then fine. But to let yourself get feelings for someone who is off limts is somethings totally different. It ends up being a chase, but one that only one person is running and the other is unaware of their speed and proximity.

There is an age old question that I still am not sure if there is a completely truthful answer to, can a girl and a guy really just be good friends?? I would like to think so, but there will always be boundary issues.

On a more romantic side

Looks like K could be in for a long haul with me, I just hope he knows that he will never be dissapointed in me and hope that he realises how much respect I have for him.

He too is a single parent, Not really sure the full extent on the details but his baby's mother decided that a career was far more important than the maternal instinct of having and rearing children.

Shame because that little child is such a beauty!! There aren't many of the parents that split up that the father takes on the responsability and it is very refreshing to know that men have those feelings about children in this day and age too.

Well I have to add the soppy side of things, just to make sure that people don't think I am a complete whore all of the time :)

This guy is the first guy in a very long time to keep my interest, something which I didn't think I would be able to say. I have a bad tendancy to tire of men very easily, and only actually figured that out to be fact just in the last year or so. Which states the reason why I had affairs in my long term relationships.

K treats me with a lot of respect so far and the things we share, like humour and sarcasm, it seems destined to be a good show. We seem to be able to read what we are thinking about and sometimes even say it before the other does. The way i speak of him is not how i have spoken of any man to my knowledge so far. I would like to think that I may have found someone that can put up with my wants and desires and can also be a normal person too sometimes...

Lets just see how things pan out, I keep teling myself, but I am so wantent of him and everyday that goes by it is just a great desire to be with him and be held by him.

I have yet to tell him about this site but when I do, I think he may agree to take some pictures with me and hopefully explore another aspect, the voyeristic photo side of things.. maybe another notch on my to do things lol

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

To humiliate him, i will.

Now K and I have had long, very long descussions about what we find erotic and what would turn us on, seems that while K wants me to dominate him and humiliate him he wants me to open doors that I have never done before, he doen't want the flogging or whipping, just simple things like name calling him for being a dirty slut and a filthy bitch, oh and did I tell you why this is? it's becasue he wants me to peform the strangly erotic scat scenarios..

I had never even thought about this really before I met him. It has turned out to be quite an eye opener and a mind enlarger.

With this in mind I have had to try and put my brain into gear and now find it really a turn on that someone would want me to do that to them, he will be worshipping the floor that I walk on, and the arse that I shit out of!! Not that it isn't a fucking lovely arse as it stands ;)

I want him to be so so willing a sub that I so want to do things right with him, I have contacted a few bdsm people and hopeing they will give me the guidance of their ways (hint hint to all those wonderful dom's out there :D)

What a wonderful world I live in!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Ok so the vixen needs her fix

Now it has been nearly four weeks since i have had sex.. It's bloody hard getting randy and teaching yourself to wait, but it is so exciting at the prospect of another encounter.. with someone who blows your mind!!

K and I have started to explore the prospect of me becoming his mistress, something I have yet to experience with anyone. The whole thing has been at the back of my mind now for some years and the thought that someone that I am becoming very intimate with wants to put his full and entire trust in me is so much of a turn on.

He wants me to totally dominate him, something which I am very excited about. He wants me to humiliate him in so many ways that I wonder if there is enough time on this earth to do just that.

This doesn't help when we start talking and get each other so turned on.. I want to save myself for the big one. I have many toys that I could play with at any time but I know that when I haven't had a fuck for a while, and when I do finally get my legs open, cock inside. WOW and fireworks!!

I'll keep you posted..

Sunday, September 26, 2004

I finally found him, i think

After many years searching for someone who may be able to tame the wild child in me I think it has finanly happened!

Recently, well a two months ago I got back on the old inter-surfing network.. and found some sad dating sites, to which I joined quite a few. I think I may have just been looking for quick shags to be honest, and they were in abundance.. I had such an array of young and older stallions to get my kit off with... and did just that!!

On a Tuesday I had one of my regular buddies around, he is a very very sweet guy and as I hadn't had sex for over a month I got to choose who to fuck, then so much the better!!

I met him on a telephone chat line where the blokes get to pay a pound a min call and the girls get it for free!!! Fantastic, plus if you say you don't drive, which I don't I get them to come to me!!! even better, as I don't have to do anything other than make myself presentable!!!!! He he well as I was saying this guy I had been in touch with for well over a year so it wasn't much the stranger sex thing that did it, just a familiar sex toy that I can get to play with if needs must.. The sex albeit not very long, was fantastic.. just the start to a week that I needed.

Then on the wednesday I decided that I might like to hook up with someone from off the net dating site, it was all pre-arranged. I offered him completely no strings sex, as I was feeling kinda needy that week.. Just a quick question, why is it when a girl offers no string sex the guys still think they have an alterior motive???? I met him in Cambridge and went to his place.. the sex was a little bit slow to start with, he said that he hadn't been with anyone for a while etc etc etc, but soon got into the hang of it.. He had one of the biggest cocks I had had for a while which made it a pleasure to do business with him.

Thursday too was another meet for sex. This time was the nicest time I think from all three dates as we actually never had full sex, wonders what prozac can do to a man :os.. anyhow, he kissed really really nicely, very soft and used his hands to frig me something rotten!!! I had a very sore throat, verge of losing my voice then but boy were the orgasms good.. couldn't make my usual groans and crys as normal but it was very very sweet.

Friday I had aggreed to meet this guy K. I have never ever found anyone I found so attractive and actually had the same comments made back to me before. When I saw what K looked like.. He was so hot, I couldn't wait to meet him. I didn't know that this meet was to change the way I have been feeling about myself or my life or anything as it did.

Up untill friday evening I had been getting by with one or two fuck buddies and stranger sex, and to be perfectly honest i was very very happy with that situation. No strings no emotional involvement and no need to worry about anyone else's feeling apart from my own..

K came round mine as planned. We started talking and the chemistry was amazing!! We had so many things that we share to laugh about and really got on fantasticaly, He actually got what I said, I can be a sarcastic bitch sometimes and he just kept coming back at me with great comments.

To find someone that can understand your humour and actually have it in their own personality blew me away! I ended up asking him if he'd like a massage, one of my known pulling tactics if I like a guy as I know I am good, sorry GOOD at it. Of course he didn't refuse and during the massage it just turned into full blown sex. Lots of different positions and I got such a good licking out, it was unreal!!

But for a horrible yet wonderful moment, something happened and I started shaking, and got very very scared. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me and when K was on his way home I had an awful feeling that that would be the last I saw of him.. That is when I kinda knew what had happened to me, my bloody feelings had started coming into full storm ahead mode, something which hasn't happened for an absolute lifetime to me!!!

I knew that this was the guy I wanted to see more of, a lot lot more!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2004


Well I have been thinking for days as to how i can wow my public, I have so many stories to tell so many secrets to share, but most of you all know what i am like and to shock you would be futile, i can only tell you how it is.. how my life is and what kinda girl i am is no surprise to anyone.. except those who have dared come here without prior knowledge...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

My first entry into blog land

This is something i have been convinced into doing, so it may take me time to actually get into the swing of things, and to be able to post personal stuff may take longer.

I make a vow to myself and to others that all i put on here will be truthful and to the best of my abilities will be as descript as possible.