If you go down to the woods today...

Be sure not to wander too close to a couple looking intimate... or you may find out more about the birds and bees, well more than I guess people would like to know ;)

There are times I fantasise about certain things. There are times when surprises happen, as in off the cuff things. There are times when plans are laid out and are acted upon in the next meeting of people.

I like them all in varying degrees.

D is just an absolute wonder to have around and I don't think I tell him enough just how much he means to me, even after this very short time of being together. It may be too soon to feel as though I'm falling in love with someone but you know what? I am. Since we first decided to give it a go I have had to really get to grips with someone actually wanting to be with me for more than what it is I do. It is very unusual for someone to honestly want me as much as I want them. Usually it is for their ends to be met and mine.. well I have settled for second best providing them with their titillation and enjoyment. Not saying I didn't enjoy being with them it just felt at times I was allowing them their fantasies without really properly going with my own. ANd I haven't in the recent years had someone of my own. Someone who isn't married, nor partnered. SOmeone with no baggage. Someone who is totally and utterly besotted with me.

D fell in love with me very quickly and it is taking time for me to really appreciate this. We have very good communication channels and he has been one of the most supportive partners I have ever had. I can put hand on heart and really say that I dont' think I have ever had anyone this supportive. Issues recently have meant we have had to be more vanilla than not. And we have found that we are able to deal with each other perfectly confortably in both settings.

I have introduced him to my son. My son refers to him as either 'the man who farts a lot' or 'the long/tall man'. He likes him. :-) But again it took me a while to want to introduce them to each other. They both seem to be perfectly at ease... which is nice considering I haven't introduced B to anyone for a few years and as he is getting older now I really don't need his life more screwed up than it is with his behaviour as it is. D and B get along like siblings at times and it is hard to figure out who to tell off first. But it really is a wonderful thing they seem to have started.

I am feeling confident enough to blog now I think. I am saying openly on here I think I have found someone I intend to spend quite some time with and him, me. We both seem to gel easily in our play. He responds so wonderfully when I have done things to him. He wears my semi permanant brands and has recently been given my probationary collar. Only the second collar of it's kind from me I have actually given in the time I have been D's aware. He is working towards a permanent collar. I have yet to properly get a system in place where he will be earning the rewards needed to obtain this. But I can see it happening :)

I am so very proud of my boy. My whore. My slut. That I find myself watching his face when I abuse his body as I see fit and watch his eyes and I melt. It is rare, or has been of late for me to mix sex and play due to nature of people I play with. But it is a very interesting journey for the pair of us. I'm quite enjoying it.

I am going to push him into places he has never been. I am going to be sharing with him my own twisted stance on life and love and romance. So far he has embraced everything I have shared with him and has been starving for me to try everything with him.

This weekend is going to be wonderful. I get to see him again tomorrow night. I cannot wait.

He makes me so very happy. I haven't felt like this for a long time.. I'm still very weary.. and that is something I have to overcome. I have had twangs of jealousy. Something which I really didn't expect. I will overcome it. I guess I'm looking for him to fuck up as I have had so much experence of previous partners doing before him.. but he has been as good as his word. He has turned up when he says he will. He has been there for me if I need him. I am finding myself trusting this man. ANd that for me is interesting. Trust. Hmm. he gains a little more everytime I see him.

He holds me in his arms and I actually feel safe. Something I'd not experienced properly for as long as I can remember. I am becoming dare I say it-slightly dependant on him for emotional support... :-O which isn't a bad thing as I'd really only had myself for that. But doesn't it make you weak then to feel like this? To know you need for him to hold you and tell you it really is going to be okay? After years of explaining to yourself the same.

I started this blog with the intention of writing a story but it hasn't really ended that way hahaha. Just feeling a little loved up right now. Must be the sun. I had a lovely walk with B earlier this evening and I think it cleared my thoughts of reent times, enough so that I can see the trees all seperately now :)

I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow I think. Have an hour or so sloggin myself to bits. Well I have to do something I have a race to do in a few weeks' time. I'm actually looking forward to it .... and..... and I've also entered the full marathon next year, just waiting for my acceptance into running for Dr Barnardos..

But for now I should sleep. My patterns have been all over the place and I can feel myself getting incredibly lathargic really :-( - Aint as young and fit as I used to be ;-)

Anyhow, signing out.

Night all. x