Downward sprial

If things keep going downwards as quick as they are. I'll be hitting the bottom with an almighty bump.

I'd already decided that I wasn't going to go to Kinkfest this year (reasons-a-plenty) But now T says he has to work on the pissing days he should have had B anyhow. I also am finding myself stuck in a rut type thing. Nowt mew on the horizon that get even the slightest sense of my juices flowing.

I do have myself a suger subby. (subby instead of a sugar daddy) But there is in NO uncertain terms anything romantic going on there.

I am starting to talk with someone right now who actually lives not to far from my dad. Which in a way is quite nice as if I do go see dad I can pop out to this fellas for a cuppa also. I haven't met him in person yet but he seems alright so far.

I think I have forgotten how to do the whole dating thing, I have said so many times before. But now what do I do, how do I approach seeing someone, I've really lost touch with it all. He is aware about my lifestyle although he hasn't done too much of anything himself.

I feel quite defensive sometimes when talking with new people, Always knowing what they are actually after but scrutanising how they actually go about it. In the lifestyle it is usually a given that people want to play. I don't mind this but what I kinda get annoyed about is when they try and beat about the bush and lead you on slightly, Same as any kind of partnership really.

I am still in a foul mood. I have been for some time privately. Maybe I shall go. I shall go do something monotone and normal for a few hours. Might glance back and post.. who knows.