PROUD

I just wanted to say a small word which means so much for me about someone.

I pushed F's boundaries this last munch (yesterday evening) I will blog about it when I am not so lathargic.

But I am so very proud of him. He is always co-operative. Just an absolute joy to play with. I have so much going on in my mind right now concerning him and events that it is best I take a week or so before I write anything else as I have some thinking to do. I need to take responsability of this wonderful being much more into my thought processes as it would break my heart if this delicate flower breaks.

For a very long time now all I have wanted is someone I could call my 'own' to play with and see grow into a much more beautiful being. And I think F could well be that person. He makes me so very happy and I couldn't want for more in a subby. If they were all like him I'd be quite happy having the biggest hareem ever. Having said that I don't want to pressurise him nor burden him with my mindstate in regards to our blossoming relationship.

In the past it has ben rare for me to find someone I actually WANT to be with, and when this has happened the togetherness with me and that other has been so short lived that I haven't had time to play with them or to deal with them as intensly as I'd have liked. Instead having to rely on friends to play with. D included in this.

I feel so very at ease with F, I don't have to pretend I don't have to put on an outward facade which a lot of the munchers have grown to like (presumably lol) or my fellow group members and friends. This being my normal sociable self rather than the total open booked self.

F and I have shared so many descussions regarding desires, kinks and normal every day stuff.. even me admitting I haven't got an entirely iced up heart. But still I also feel a little guilt. Well a lot of guilt. And THIS WILL NOT BE PLACED ONTO HIM. I also know people need to adjust. Things for us both have moved on steadily, me thinking I'd gone slowly.. for me yes they had.. purely as I haven't had chance to deal with someone for this length of time before. But for F this has been all a little too much for the amount of time we have had together. And when I looked at it timescalewise I completely understand.

This is totally new to me. A mutual attraction. A D's relationship born of wants and desires unfulfilled by others. I can quite easily find myself becoming more and more comfortable with F. And this scares me slightly also.

I think I need to draft a private mail to him and allow him to take some time out. I need him to realise what could happen. What it is he truely wants and deserves. I think also, I might need some reflection time.

So. What do I do now? Afterall I am human too. lol Some people would find that extremely hard to accept.

It'll possibly be one of those blogthings next lol .. watch out!