I have figured it out

Today I have been very stressed out. At my wits end with B. At times like last week. he can be an absolute angel to be around, like falling in love day by day with him. But then he shows his other side of being gemini by being a little sod.

The teachers tell me there were 'a few incidents' today. One of which he ended up receiving a donk on the noggin and a discolouration under his eye. Fisticuffs apparently. although I don't believe a word as he hits like a pansy girl. But if he is provoked he does let that person know about it, his kicks have been that of his namesake of a kung-foo lengend since he was in my womb and his blows can leave nasty welts if he choose to be brutal. So if he had a couple of bumps I am sure the other lad/s have come off slighty worse for wear also.

But also she said that there was a rather 'disturbing' incident where he.d got a lump of playdough and was stabbing it quite feircly with a knife and started saying doggies kill rabbits like this while he was shaking his teeth as thought he'd got something in his mouth.

I did go red, as when the teacher told me he'd started stabbing... I immmediately though.. oh fuck.. he's threatened another child.. But thankfully.. not.

I could only put this last 'disturbing' incident down to an incident which happened about a week of so ago.

He got a new hamster from a friend of mine whose friend hadn't wanted anymore. Cutting a long story short B thought the hamster and his dog might like to play (this I assumed) which resulted in hamster fighting for breath and dying and a very pleased looking doggy who thought he'd caught an intruder. SIGHS. DEEP BREATH. sadly not for the newly deceased hamster.

I didn't get angry. I didn't shout at either dog or child. But still I had to seperate all three. and then calmly allow the dog to know he was ok and that I wasn't angry with him, then make sure the hamster was indeed ko'ed.. god knows what I'd have done if I'd have had to put it out of its misery.. don't think even I could have handled that. Bugs, small things that get under my feet fine.. but a little mammal? Nah.. it'd have been very hard. Possibly even me ringing my dad up to come and do it out of mine and B's sight.

Then obviously sit down with B and explain to a sobbing, heartbroken youngster what had just happened. That was possibly one of the hardest things I have had to do, I mean he has delt with death of his previous hamsters before.. but that was when we found them legs up.. and understands that when things/people are dead that they aren't coming back, not after he'd just witnessed something having it's life tragically taken from it. One minute being alive, the next souless.

So anyway I told the teacher about this and she thought it could also be what he was doing, just reliving it in some way.

Soo.... in conclusion.. well maybe a last ditch attempt at normality I have figured it out I NEED TO GO OUT AND GET A LITTLE BIT TIPSY.. let my hair down. Maybe act like a drunken teen for a few hours and let stuff out my system.. again. Something which every morning after concludes with 'I aint doing that again... ' Need to destress.