I am missing something...

No not my mind.. although the age is now creeping up hehe

It has been some time since I was with someone who meant anything to me and I think I am now ready to explore my want for an emotional attachment. It's all well and good liking what your body can do, and can be, when with someone. Using your wants and desires to help out with playtime or even using the power trip when you are given someone's trust to be able to feel liberated sexually.

I had some desires a while ago which I had hoped would be fulfilled.. The person who I was supposedly going to have these happen let me down.. so now am on the search, I guess, for someone who when they say they want to act something out.. will actually stand to their word.

Mutual trust is a thing for me. As have said about on many occasions. It's finding that person/people that I can be totally honest with and be able to feel I can use for my own purpose.

I do eventually want something a little bette than just play with someone.. and trying to combine their wants and desires alongside my own whilst balancing family life, work, financial restrictions (the vanilla part of life) can be a bloody hard thing to master. For the right guy I would be willing to make it happen.

I tend to get a difference sence of what I want towards my birthday every year.. I find myself looking back on what I have done and accomplished, I know this year has been the most interesting I think I could have possibly had. I look at what I could have had and lost. I also look at what I could still possibly achieve.

So.. maybe this is me saying I am ready to start looking for something a little more meaningful now. It has been a long time in coming but my mind is there finally.. Thinking back, it has possibly been a year or so since I felt anything proper for anyone and people who have read this diary will know who I would be talking about.

Over and out.