One last chance.

Over the last few days, and indeed weeks you have all been aware of the situation I have been in. I have gone on an emotional ride and to be honest am grateful for it also.

I have never kept how I felt and still feel about K a secret and I do not condone his actions towards me in what seemed like an attack on my person in my blog. But over the last day I have been wondering just how, and if I could indeed, forgive him. What he could do to prove himself worthy of my love, trust and respect.

I have been objective in thinking how he has done me wrong and why on earth should I give him another chance… when it seems to any onlooker that I have given him far too many of these as it is. He has hurt me in more ways that I ever imagined anyone could. But then he has also helped me regain my confidence in love. It is only those that you care about so deeply that can affect how you are, like he did me.

I have been by far too independent for far too long. My head is always the one that has made my decisions and have always not taken much advice from my heart. This time however, it seems that my head may be in the background. My heart is yearning for him and for some reason I am tending to be listening to that instead.

If we were to get back together fully I will want him to apologise my mail or even comment on blog on this and grovel some. That will only be the start of his humiliation. He has to know that I aint going to take the shit. ALL ABOARD THE TRAIN TO THE LAST CHANCE SALOON.

If he does grovel some and plead forgiveness I will then expect him to arrange a few hours for some time for us both. More than just the hour or so he had allowed for us on previous visits, maybe even a whole night. I need to feel that he genuinely wants me. Not just going to be screwing with my head.

Then when he comes round (of course hypothetically speaking) he won’t be hugged this time and he won’t be kissed. He will have a glass of water and then make his way to my room. He will strip for me and await instruction.

He will kneel before me and beg forgiveness. Unless I see the look I need to in his eyes I will not carry on. If I see sincerity I will then proceed to slap him around the face as hard as I can, just as a warm up. If that doesn’t knock seven bells out of him I will slap him again. Whimpers will be treated as contempt and will result in absolutely no leniency.

I want for him to know now that he is not in control any longer. I am.

I will then blindfold him and cuff him tell him to stand open legged and just wait a while. He may feel me come close as I am about to knee him in the bollocks then again it may come as a surprise. Either way he is going to get my full wrath. He is deserving of at least five bollock chops. Good hard strong meant ones.

K will need to know how much he hurt me emotionally. I have never given anyone a second chance. He will tell me why he deserves this second chance. He will tell me what he truly wants from me and he will also speak the D’s vows he has prepared and learnt before we continue with any further punishment.

If I see these as being doable and meant from him I will then get him to position himself again for me on my bed as he did before. While he is waiting for me to say anything else he will have to think about his recent bad behaviour, when asked, will tell me what gave him the right to do this to me.

I will order him to then face me and suck the strap on I will have had on while he was waiting, something to get his mouth round eh? I want him to feel the length of the dildo that will be entering him fully. Any last request before I rape him? This time it won’t be a short ordeal. He will be subjected to a rape by how I see fit on the evening. He will indeed take the whole length this time.

No struggle, no lenience. Just a small amount of pain compared to what I have endured over these last few weeks. He will have to make me see that the second chance that I may give him will be taken seriously and that he will abide by my instruction.

I do love the guy dearly and if he does visit this blog (as I know he does) and accepts this punishment. I will forgive him of his insolence toward me. He will be accepted back in my life again and after the punishment is ended he will feel my love also. Fuck he needs to prove his worth to me.
That said. K if you are reading, Get your fucking arse into gear ok?