Thursday, September 30, 2004

Arrogance or just a plain nice person?

I am able to relate to so many people in so many ways, I know I am a nice, honest, trustworthy person, now more so than at any other time in my life. I have endured some of lifes most beastly and awful times some of which left me in a very dark place for a little time. I am very upfront about how I am with everyone I meet and I think that works to my great advantage on most occasions. These are great traits which I thank my father for ensuring that I be able to have throughout my life. But there have been some people in my life that have seen this to be a huge threat, for absurd reasoning which I just cannot fathem.

I tend to be able to talk with almost anyone and find so many things to find a common interest in, people find me very approachable in everyday life and I like to think that what I give them all is friendship and an unconditional resourse of lifes finest and most wonderful gifts. Such as honesty, laughter, truth, fun.

I guess I would like to think that everyone has good in them no mater what they had done. Sometimes it can be called naivity but I like to think it is more like finding the positive in a person and making them see how fabulous they can be in themselves. Most know what their weaknesses and strengths are but some need guidance and I think that that is where my purpose lays in life. To be able to make people get the best deal in life, through emotions and life experiences.

I don't get angry often, I don't bear grudges, I don't use the word hate as I find it far too bad a word really. I enjoy life and use lifes trials to just make me the person who you see writing before you. I analyse people, I enjoy finding out about anything and everything. I just love life. It has given me so much in what iI have learnt and to offer back and use for whatever the occasion.

You may seem to ask why am I babbling about what I am like?, i am too believe me but I have to ask myself things sometimes because i feel very bad when i have to let people down. I have a guilty moment sometimes. I like to think that people like me, but when men or indeed women like me a bit too much, I hate it when I have to draw the friendship/shag partner line then it kinda makes me feel a little worried that they will see me as a lead. Someone who has deliberately been out to real them in, laugh and then throw them back in the water without a care. I know they don't feel that way when I ''let them down'' but it still feels as though I have done just that.

And this all comes because a long term friend, someone who is godfather to my son, asked if there could be something more between us this evening. I knew he kinda liked me but there was always a boundary there, he is married, very unhappily but won't go into it, and we had always joked about the possibility of a quickie every now and then, not knowing that he actually had feelings for me.. that is where I draw the line I guess, if you fancy someone then fine. But to let yourself get feelings for someone who is off limts is somethings totally different. It ends up being a chase, but one that only one person is running and the other is unaware of their speed and proximity.

There is an age old question that I still am not sure if there is a completely truthful answer to, can a girl and a guy really just be good friends?? I would like to think so, but there will always be boundary issues.


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